


You're the cure or something more

by Koconut_boi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, College Student Armin Arlert, College Student Eren Yeager, Cute Armin Arlert, Depressed Eren Yeager, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Helpful Armin Arlert, M/M, No plot just pain, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29135550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koconut_boi/pseuds/Koconut_boi
Summary: It makes tears spring to my eyes, the possibility of losing him because of my inability to be better.(Or where Eren goes through a depressive episode and Armin tires to help)Explicitly deals with depression so it could be triggering, pls read with caution<3<3
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	You're the cure or something more

**Author's Note:**

> Why does no on ever talk about how Armin literally became the very thing that killed him (aka the colossal titan)???????  
> (am I onto something or do I just need to sleep?)
> 
> ...anyway 
> 
> enjoy this :)
> 
> (title is a lyric from Why Do You Feel So Down- Declan McKenna)

It’s 7am when I look at the clock. Last time I checked it was 3.

_Have I just been staring at the ceiling this whole time?_

I have to get up. I probably haven’t slept but it doesn’t matter now. There’s so much work to be done, homework and house work alike.

_The air is so cold. Hollow, almost. Maybe its bleeding into nonexistence. Or maybe I am._

I can see the clothes spilling out of my closet and the dirty dishes I didn’t wash last night. I can hear the dripping water drops from my bathroom sink and my phone buzzing on the nightstand. But even surrounded by all the things I have to do, I stay rooted in my spot on the bed. 

Why can’t I get up? The bathroom is barely 5 steps away from the bed, it can’t get any easier than that. So why am I still laying here, unmoving?

_My lungs feel too tight but empty at the same time. Is it too much or not enough?_

My fingers twitch at my insistent thoughts, able to move but not quite ready to. I can see more than feel my toes shifting under the duvet.

Little movements here and there, but they’re not enough. I need to get up and get working.

_There’s cars passing outside, people talking, a whole world just existing right there. Am I a part of it? Why does the answer feel like a question?_

I need to stop being so unproductive. I need to be useful. No slacking, no wasting time. I have to get things done. I have to be better. I have to. I need to.

The words seem to echo in the silence of the room, even though I know they’re only in my head. They bounce off the pale white walls and pierce the cold sheets surrounding my still, motionless body.

_A mind with two sides, like a coin on its tip, spinning and spinning and spinning. Does it ever stop?_

They continue despite the fake disturbances, the thoughts. The need to be useful gnaws at the edge of my mind. Itches like a parasite under my flesh. The feeling of being so defective reminds me of bloody skin and pained whimpers. The thoughts, the need, the desperation all run into one another in the mess of my mind. They collide and spill into the inanimate room. It fills the air I breathe and in seconds its _everything_. Everything I can see. Everything I can hear. Everything I can touch. Everything, everything, _everything_.

Then a sudden thought rings out across the rest.

_What would Armin think if he saw me now?_

It makes me pause. Halts the storm of words and makes my pulse stutter.

It forces a suffocating silence into my mind and before I know it, there’s ragged breaths leaving my mouth and the blood feels too cold flowing through my veins.

_Are the walls growing, ground blurring out?_

The thought of Armin of all people seeing me like this makes my gut clench. The possibility of him realizing how incapable I really am. Of him witnessing the real me. The me who can’t clean up after himself. The me who doesn’t respond to messages. The me who’s too weak, too _pitiful_ , to even get out of bed.

_Quaking, shuddering, I can see the ceiling descending._

It makes tears spring to my eyes, the possibility of losing him because of my inability to be better. Be less of a mistake, a walking regret.

I don’t realize I’ve closed my eyes until they wrench open at the warm skin brushing against my face. My blurry vision clears to the view of a blue ocean. Gleaming tendrils of gold frame the welcoming tides. Pale, moonlight tinted skin and rose bled lips moving around the sound of his voice. The sound of home.

_Silk soft, flowing under my veins, and I know its okay to feel it._

“-you okay? Oh god, Eren you should’ve called me sooner. I thought you’d already be in class, I didn’t know you were- Eren? Eren, can you hear me?”

My mind snaps out of its daze when the soft melody of his voice stops. The silence allows the previous thoughts to flood back into my consciousness. All my senses snap to focus on the point of contact between me and him. Him.

_A fissured floor, silk set on fire._

He’s here. He’s here and he can see me. _He can see me_. It’s over. I’ve exposed the one thing I was scared of showing even myself. The one thing no one deserves to witness. The one thing that chased away everyone in my life. The one thing that’s going to drive away him too. I’ve let him see the real me.

The paralyzed hands at my sides are suddenly encased in warmth.

“Can you feel that, Eren? Focus on it. Don’t think about anything other than that feeling.”

_Don’t… think?_

I listen to the concern in his voice, the cautiousness, and latch onto it. Hold on to the sound of comfort, trust it to drag me out of the depths of my own mind.

“I’m going to move my hands now, okay? Your elbows.”

_Don’t think. Don’t, don’t, don’t…_

The steady warmth travels up my arms, past my wrists and curves around the crook of my elbows.

“Can you still feel it?”

_Don’t…think…_

I must’ve nodded or hummed or done something because he continues, “Your shoulders now.”

The skin smooths over my upper arms and lands on the bend of my shoulders.

The contact, almost like a tidal wave, washes away the venomous thoughts one by one.

“Your neck.”

His hands glide slowly, carefully, across my collarbones and come to rest against the pulse flowing under my skin.

“Face.”

The moment his fingers graze the skin of my cheeks, my eyes blink away the haze of oblivion- almost like they’d been unable to before.

My gaze focuses and settles once again on a familiar pair of ocean eyes.

“Eren? It’s me, Armin.”

And I want to answer him. Say of course I know it’s you, Armin. How could I ever think you were anyone else? How could I ever forget you, even for a moment? But nothing comes out. No sounds, no words. Nothing to let him know. Nothing.

_Nothing? Silk turned ash-_

“Hey, hey it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” His voice cuts through my thoughts before they can spiral out of control again. It makes me want to thank him. Makes the fact that I can’t speak at all even more frustrating.

“…How about I tell you about my day so far? I’m in the mood to talk anyway.” He says lightly before kicking his shoes off and settling into the bed next to me.

The sheets seem to warm up at his touch. Fingers still gently cradling my face move to soothe through my hair as he settles, sitting cross-legged, facing me.

“I woke up to the sound of Jean singing Ariana Grande through the wall, so I’m sure you can guess how my day started”, he lets out a soft snort. “I had to get breakfast from the cafeteria, all I had left in my room was week-old apples and smelly yoghurt. The walk back was nice, though. I even saw a patch of clovers growing near outside tables, and no, I definitely did _not_ let my food go cold searching for a four-leaf clover.” His pseudo-serious voice breaks into a cheeky smile at the end, and the sight feels _healing_.

“Needless to say, it took Connie and Sasha, sitting two tables over, laughing at me till they were gasping for air for me to give up”, he pouts slightly, all childish bitterness. “I mean, who needs four-leaf clovers anyway, right? I would’ve gotten up eventually. I definitely wouldn’t have spent the whole day searching because…”, he trails off, looking down. So do I.

My hand, once stuck motionless, is twined with his. A smile hesitates on his lips, there but ready to drop at a moments notice. His eyes find mine again, and I know. I know he can see all the words I want to say, all the things I want to let out. I know, without a doubt. And it feels so much lighter, to have a thought that isn’t plagued with questions and doubts.

The moment drags. Eyes basking in each other’s gaze, skin tingling with warmth.

Then I’m moving, or he’s moving, or we’re _both_ moving- I can’t tell- but the next thing I know is I’m surrounded by the ocean and a glittering sun.

Head rested on a beating chest. Heart pulsing softly, breaths easy, light. An arm encircled around his waist, another around my neck. Fingers brushing the tips of my hair, fiddling with the fabric concealing his smooth skin.

Locked into place, feeling freer than ever.

No words spoken, no explanation needed. A silence that welcomes us with open arms.

**Author's Note:**

> comments & kudos are appreciated!


End file.
